Columnist Eleonore af Schaumburg-Lippe writes in her weekly column about life as an expat in Romania. This week she looks at the importance of keeping up appearances among some social groups in Romania.

A Romanian woman recently commented on a picture of me on Facebook, and among her other points was the observation that I desperately needed a stylist. The comment was wrapped up in the words "just trying to help," but it showed that sometimes, image is everything.

A typical comment from a Romanian woman of a certain character. Just trying to help, it can be like someone stabbing you in the back with a knife, only to look at you with a smile and say "I am really sorry, did it hurt ?"

The whole stabbing/smiling tradition is sadly quite common among some women in Romania, especially in Bucharest. I have met some women who seem to uphold this tradition more than a few times at social events in Romania. “Image is everything” and comes right at the top on their list of values

I know this sounds very judgmental, but in all European countries there are groups of women in society, usually among high society, who spend their whole lives focusing on how they look, appearance and maybe most important, maintaining their positions in high society, in which perhaps they feel somewhere deep down that they don’t belong.

Usually they are middle aged and their background will be the former secretary of a director, that married into money because the days where they had to survive off cans of beans to keep up the appearance were probably not always much fun, or in Romania they will usually have had a comfortable position during the former communist regime, and they sort of cling to that not realizing that time has passed and so has communism.

They will go very far to get invitations to the right events, very far even, or they will just show up without an invitation, because image is everything and they have to be seen at these events to be able to tell their friends, that they, of course, were there.

I can spot these ladies from a distance, as they often wear the same designer brand outfit that they once bought on sale and that they cherish and wear almost every time.

Desperately trying to fit in can make them behave in an very unnatural way, often telling others how to behave, look and think. Or they will just give you the look. The glance where they look at you from top to toe, with an expression of disapprovement, but when they realize you belong to the group and are not one of the climbers, their fake smiles will shine, and they will cling to you, like you are their best friend.

I am not talking about Romanian women in general, they surely know how to dress up and look stunning, and using a stylist is a great idea, This is about the social climber, the so called wannabies, those for whom image really is everything, because that is what they have to offer.

Since usually they are really uninteresting to talk with because they can only chit chat on a superficial level, they will mainly talk about what they are wearing and talk about brands, prices and travels and expect you to do the same.

Stories will be made up about their accessories being bought in France or in some exotic location that they of course just returned from, while the truth is the trip was more than 20 years ago or maybe never really happened. A person with the right eye can spot that the ohh so special pearls were bought in a mainstream shop.

So back to the comment about me, probably you are readying this and thinking that I am just hitting back, which is to some extent true, because I truly dislike these women, I find that they are of low character.

I remembered the phrase my father once told me: "Eleonore, you have two ears for a reason: to let it in and let it out," and then I laughed. As I am aware of my values, and luckily I don’t need to be a wannabe, instead I have confidence in myself, and for example, in a way that I feel is appropriate for the occasion.

But maybe I am wrong as even Machiavelli argued that when dealing with enemies as well as with allies, it matters more how you are perceived than how you are. On the other hand, perhaps social events should be fun and enjoyable times shared by friends and not looked upon with the strategic view of social climbing among enemies and allies.

By Eleonore af Schaumburg-Lippe, columnist

Eleonore is Danish, she holds a BA in Organization and Management and specializes in Corporate Communication & Strategic Development. She is also a Market Economist and a Multimedia Designer. She is currently working in Bucharest as the Executive Director of UAPR the Romanian Advertising Association. As a Danish Viking in Romania, with a great passion for ’covrigi’, she has a burning desire to find out more about Romania especially Bucharest, and enlighten the small differences in the culture between Denmark and Romania.. Her weekly columns will give you insights into an expats life in Bucharest written with humor and a big Danish smile.

(photo source: Photoxpress.com)